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I need advice for a " I have too many pets" problem with a narcissist mother.

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  • I need advice for a " I have too many pets" problem with a narcissist mother.

    I have a total of 2 dogs and, 12 cats............I never imagined this would happen and, unfortunately , I have a parent that's a narcissist which make the situation even worse. It all started when I was just 13 years old. My sister and, mother had a cat of their own. I've always wanted an orange cat. I use to have a tuxedo that was a stray but, my mom left him out one day and, he never came back. (Just a heads up, this will be a repeating situation.) one day, my mom brought home an orange shorthair. After 5 months, my mom threw her out the door. She told me not to worry because, she said that she will come back. She did come back a week later and, about 5 weeks after that, she had a litter of kittens. My mom refused to get her fixed because, it costs to much money for her. My mom would try to get rid of them when they weren't even eating solid food yet. I kept telling her they weren't ready yet but, she would still do it. She would lie to the people that wanted a kitten about, not knowing the difference between male and female so they would take them anyway. Some kittens would never get adopted so, my mom got stuck with them. After the cat getting pregnant, my mom still didn't learn her lesson about not getting a pet fixed.She left the female cat outside again and, got pregnant again. This went on for years. I'm 19 now. My mom doesn't have the patients for taking care of the animals. Whenever they do something bad,she just throws them out the door without a care. A total of 8 cats that died because, of them being put outside.if a cat has something medically wrong with them, my mom just won't give a d**. She just throws them outside and wait until the day they die and, when they die, she doesn't burry them. She just puts them in a garbage bag and, throws the carcasses in the garbage bin as if they were useless broken objects. My mom constantly blames me for having to many animals and, blames me for their actions. A 13 year old wouldn't be able to get a pet fixed because, they need guardian permission obviously. I don't understand how it's my fault. If she would have paid the 15 dollars to get the one female cat fixed, we wouldn't be having this problem. I really don't understand my mother at all. She says getting a pet fixed is too expensive but, she pays over 50 dollars a month on pet supplies. So, she is obviously doing it because, she doesn't want to. She talks about how they are all of "my" animals. I only consider my two dogs and a cat my pets. I have an old dog with arthritis and, she can't warn someone that she has to go to the bathroom anymore so, she just gets up and, goes immediately on the floor. I'm so fed up with getting yelled at and nagged about the animals in the house. it's irritating. She always says that she's going to put them in the shelter and, tell the people that she just found them. (AS IF THEY WOULD BELIEVE THAT STORY.) I don't see her doing that anytime now because of laziness . Whenever we run out of pet food,she talks to the cats and says, "sorry cats, she waited until the last minute to get you food. That's her being a smart Alec. She's says that she can't go to the store and buy them food because, I stay up late at night. Which doesn't make cense at all. She'll nag me by telling me "We don't have any ******* cat food." One time I said, " Then go buy some." Then she punched me in the frustrates me so much that she blames me for her having too many cats. She threw the cat outside. She refused to get her fixed. Therefore, it's not my fault.what do you guys think? Am I to blame for her doing?

  • #2
    I'm so sorry you're in this situation... if you're nineteen, what are your plans for what's next, after highschool? This may sound like crazy advice, coming from a pets forum person.... but focus on THAT. Focus on what you will do long-term to stop living with her, go to college, or get a job and get an apartment with your friends, a positive step forward. There are apartments that take pets. I moved to my first pet-friendly apartment with my roommate at 22 and got my Tilly dog at the same time, it can be done.

    Once you have plans to take care of you, and secure your future, then you have room to do more for the cats. Talk to her calmly, NOT with anger, about finding homes for them. By doing a google search in your area, you can find rescue groups that can help you find them homes. But you can't help the cats if you're unable to help yourself move forward. Get yourself a way out, one that gives you a future, then you can get them a way out.

    Just my thoughts on this. I truly sympathize with your situation. When I was a teenager, my parents had much the same view of pet ownership - pets were utility animals, and those that didn't serve their purpose were disposed of, sometimes in not-so-nice ways. What helped me was advice given to me that was much like I've given - getting out, making a future for myself, made all the difference. Make enough of a success at your life and then you can take care of all the animals you can find to help. My parents were not mean people, they just never understood where I was coming from. Pets, for them, weren't entities, but a toy or a plaything for us kids. They never had a single animal spayed in all those years, as it was never a priority - it was cheaper to not spay, as they would almost never let us keep a puppy or kitten after the pups and kittens were old enough to go to new homes.

    I hope this helps,
    ----with Sadie, Elsie, Saffron, Peaches & James ----


    • #3
      Mary has given you some really good advice, and I hope you will be able to follow it. I think you and your mother need more help than this forum can give, but what she says can be a place for you to start. If you can't reason with your mother, you may have to take more drastic action for the sake of the cats that are being mistreated and contact animal services in your area. Do you have any relatives who can help you?
      Diane and Cicero - Sr. Manager: